We open in the woods on a winter day, shortly before Christmas, 1979. Dorian is attempting to improve his shooting skills: he's got a picture of the Major tacked to a tree, and is firing at it with an automatic. The picture remains pristinely unperforated, and James, who has been watching, berates Dorian for his ineptness and his waste of bullets, repeatedly calling him a "klutz". Dorian says, "It's the target's fault. The bullets avoid it." James, however, continues his carping until Dorian snaps at him, whereupon he reverts to cringing and whining.
Deciding that "modern weapons are too unromantic for me to handle, anyway," Dorian abandons his target practice and starts thinking about how to celebrate Christmas. He considers taking his crew on a trip as a bonus present, a notion which distracts James from his industrious collection of the spent cartridges and starts him on one of his rants again. (James wants to stay at home and eat cheap cake for Christmas.)
In Bonn, we see the Major attending Mass in a nearly empty church. Head bowed, eyes closed, he looks very pious -- but he is, in fact, merely napping. He is awakened by the priest, who has finished the service and asks whether he wants to come to confession. Checking his watch, Klaus notes that the Mass was fifteen minutes longer than usual (a special service for the week before Christmas, the priest explains), and says that he's leaving now. On his way out, a smiling altar boy asks whether he would like to make a contribution to the church for Christmas. Klaus hands him a generous amount of money, to the delight of the boy and the priest. ("It's called keeping a good face in the neighborhood," thinks Klaus to himself.) Klaus comments that he likes the priest's voice in the sermons: "It's already become a conditioned reflex. So, will you tell me beforehand if you make your sermon longer than usual? It affects my physical condition if I sleep too much."
Outside the church, agents A and B are waiting. They tell the Major that the Chief wants him to report to HQ immediately. They set off, Klaus musing to himself that Christmas and Sundays mean nothing to him; his work comes before anything else.
At NATO headquarters, the Chief greets Klaus with uncommon cheerfulness and bonhomie. Klaus immediately regards this with suspicion and accuses him of conspiring about something, but the Chief says all he's going to do is give Klaus a mission -- a mission especially suited to him.
In their common office room, the alphabets are bewailing the probability of their having to work through Christmas yet again. A and B suggest that maybe the Major has repented his sins at church and will change his ways. Suddenly, the door slams open to reveal Klaus in the doorway, and all the agents instantly start to act busy. They watch with some trepidation as Klaus, looking unusually grim, stomps over to his desk and throws himself down in his chair. He lights a cigarette -- having considerable difficulty handling the lighter -- and stares morosely into space. The alphabets mutter among themselves, wondering what kind of mission would put the workaholic Major into such a mood. Klaus suddenly explodes at them, yelling that they can't fool him by pretending to look busy, then subsides back into his self-absorbed gloom. He is mentally ranting against the Chief, and against the mission he's just been ordered to undertake -- a mission so awful he can hardly bear to contemplate it.
Back in England, in his castle, Dorian is playing Christmas music on the piano. He is interrupted by James, who comes in to complain about the expense of the Christmas trip Dorian has decided on: a tour of famous cathedrals and the religious artwork they house. James thinks this is silly, since Dorian is an atheist, and insists they don't have the money for it anyway -- he's invested the money from the portion of the Pahlevi treasure they brought back [see Insha'Allah], and there isn't much ready cash available. However, the bank is giving away free cakes to investors, so James proposes to stay home and eat cake for Christmas. Dorian feels that scenes like this are not suitable to his status as a hero.
One of Dorian's household brings him a registered express letter which has just arrived. It contains a pair of first-class train tickets for the TEE Ile de France, leaving Amsterdam for Paris in three days. There is no letter of explanation enclosed; just the tickets.
Dorian's men are suspicious, thinking the tickets may be some kind of trap, but Dorian is intrigued. He says he'd rather experience a few dangers than spend a miserable Christmas at home. James gripes about the expense of getting to Amsterdam. Just then, another registered express letter arrives: this one contains money to cover the expense of travelling to Amsterdam. (Dorian wonders whether James is getting too famous -- their mysterious benefactor seems to know what to expect.) Though his crew still has some misgivings, Dorian decides to accept the offer. He tells them to wait at home, saying he'll contact them later.
At the train station in Amsterdam, Dorian boards the TEE, attended by James (who totes the luggage.) As he walks down the train corridor, Dorian meets a petite blonde woman who says, as she passes him, "Long time no see. It's me again!" Dorian looks after her in puzzlement, not being able to recall where he'd met her before. James starts in on one of his jealous rants, when they are interrupted by a handsome young man who says "Excuse me," as he moves past them down the corridor. Dorian likes the look of this fellow, but his comment of "How cute!" prompts James to haul him quickly off to their seats.
Elsewhere on the train, we see the blonde "woman" -- Agent G, in drag -- glaring at the handsome young man -- Agent Z -- for having attracted Dorian's attention. Mr. Z, who is awfully innocent, has no clue what the problem is.
Dorian relaxes as the train gets underway, wondering when his benefactor will appear. A train attendant arrives to inform him that there is a table reserved for him in the café, and Dorian follows him to the appointed place, James trailing along behind in raptures over getting to eat French food for free. The table is set for three, indicating that the mysterious donor will be joining them. "I'm very excited to see him," says Dorian, and is startled when a familiar voice just behind him responds, "But it's unfortunate to me that you're excited to see me." James panics and dives under the table, but Dorian recovers quickly from his surprise and greets the Major smoothly, employing his usual seductive sidelong glance. Klaus seats himself across from Dorian and orders dark beer.
"It's been awhile since Palmyra, hasn't it, Major?" says Dorian. Klaus comments that for some reason he met a bunch of KGB agents out in the middle of the desert, and Dorian responds that he ran into the ICPO, in an equally mysterious fashion. [See the end of Insha'Allah. They both apparently escaped from their enemies without serious difficulty, which is exactly what each of them expected of the other.]
Dorian notes that the Major is looking even grimmer than usual, and soon he finds out why: Klaus requests his cooperation on a NATO intelligence mission. Dorian is intrigued, and becomes even more so when Klaus shows him a document he is carrying: it's the blueprint of the main vault of the Vatican Palace.
While he is explaining the details to Dorian, Klaus thinks back to his own briefing by the Chief. It seems that an engineer at the U.S. Department of Defense stole important secret information concerning a counter-satellite project and, in a fervor of religious pacifism, handed it over to the Pope. It is now believed to be in the vault of the Vatican Palace, and NATO's job is to get it back without either the Vatican or the Soviets finding out. The Chief says that NATO has decided to call in an outside professional to handle such a delicate job of thievery, and points out that there is only one thief capable of that big a job. "I believe you know him very well...ahem...personally, don't you Major?" he adds, and Klaus realizes with horror that he's expected to hire and work with Eroica.
Dorian is pleased that NATO appreciates his abilities, though Klaus mutters that "It's just one queer calling for another." Dorian doesn't quite catch this, though he knows it was something derogatory, but James -- still hiding under the table -- obligingly repeats it. "I'll kick you, down there," threatens Klaus. He tells Dorian that NATO will pay 100 million marks for his assistance. "Not enough, not enough!" pipes up the voice under the table, and Dorian responds with, "I'll kick you, down there."
In addition to the stated payment, Dorian insists on being given ten minutes to himself while stealing the microfilm from the vault, refusing to say what he plans on doing with the time. Klaus grudgingly agrees, and the deal is greeted by a burst of cheering and applause from James. "I'll kick him, down there," says Klaus, and Dorian replies, "Go right ahead."
Klaus wants to take a plane to Rome as soon as they arrive in Paris, but Dorian has other plans. He wants to take the TEE to Rome, and says he has to gather his men before he can get to work. Sputtering and protesting, Klaus is nevertheless backed into a corner and he agrees to reserve 20 seats for Dorian's gang on the TEE from Paris to Rome.
As they leave the café, Dorian once again spots Mr. Z and asks Klaus who he is. Klaus tells him not to go near Z, who is new and naïve, and very serious. Seeing a new way to exasperate Klaus, Dorian strolls past Z and tells him, "You could come and visit my compartment if you'd like," with a seductive glance. Klaus immediately tries to warn Z to be on his guard against Dorian, but Klaus is too inhibited to explain exactly what the danger is and Z is too naïve to understand what he's getting at. "Be careful with your trousers. Understand?" says Klaus, and walks off, leaving Mr. Z very confused indeed.
Klaus is nervous about the mission, knowing that Dorian is "a very sneaky man," and fearing that he will cause trouble somehow. And sure enough, back in his compartment Dorian, more interested in the other contents of the vault than in the microfilm, is making plans to steal the blueprint Klaus is carrying.
As the train proceeds on its way, we see a series of messages being exchanged by Soviet agents code-named Red Fox, Polar Bear, and Mischa the Cub. They have discovered that NATO has booked a large number of seats on the TEE and that the operation is being conducted by Iron Klaus; they don't know what is going on, but suspect that it's important. Mischa is given the assignment to infiltrate the TEE, learn what Klaus' mission is, and handle it appropriately. Accordingly, Mischa -- whom we now see for the first time -- boards the train in Paris with several of his subordinates.
Klaus is waiting impatiently at the train station for Dorian and his men, who have been out sightseeing. They were accompanied by a harried-looking Mr. A, whom Klaus had assigned to keep an eye on them. When they all arrive back at the station, Klaus asks where Bonham and Jones are and Dorian tells him they both have the 'flu, so they stayed at home. He then hands a wallet to Klaus, asking him to return it to Mr. A: "I've been keeping it safe so no wicked pickpocket would get it in that tourist trap." He also offers to "safeguard" anything valuable that Klaus might be carrying, but when Klaus approaches the boiling point Dorian reassures him: "Nobody'll touch your pockets. It'd be too scary. Your body's a safer place to keep things than any bank in the world, you know." Klaus is more than ever convinced that Dorian plans to steal the blueprint.
Watching the irate Klaus stomping through the train, Mischa comments to one of his colleagues that Iron Klaus' shortcomings are his militancy and authoritarianism. Mischa calls him a dangerous animal, whom he plans to put in a KGB cage.
Alone in his compartment, Klaus frets about the time being wasted taking the train instead of flying. Suddenly suspicious, he whips the curtains back from the compartment door, revealing Dorian pressed against it outside. "Thought you might be bored, so I came to play with you, " explains Dorian. "Wanna play cards? Or shall we go to the bar for some drinks?" When Klaus chases him off, Dorian threatens to go ask Mr. Z instead. "Don't corrupt that healthy German boy!" yells Klaus, and, in a stroke of inspiration, assigns Mr. G to stay with Dorian, much to G's delight. Adding malice to inspiration, Klaus than yells to James, "Your earl's flirting!", and Dorian is escorted away with James and G each clinging to one of his arms and glaring at each other.
Walking through the train, Klaus notices the KGB agents keeping an eye on him and immediately knows who they are. (This isn't too surprising, as they're all decked out in stereotypical "secret agent" trench coats, dark glasses, and hats pulled low. Except Mischa, that is, who has a big furry overcoat and a round furry hat. And the dark glasses.) Klaus passes one KGB man, ostensibly reading a fashion magazine in the corridor, and tells him to quit pretending and go get a drink.
The man reports back to Mischa, in the train's bar, that Iron Klaus has recognized them. Mischa decides he must make his move before Klaus decides to escalate things, and the KGB group leaves the car. Dorian has overheard their conversation and considers whether to report it to Klaus, but decides not to irritate him any further. Besides, Dorian has some preparations of his own to make as the train is nearing Dijon.
Klaus visits the men's room on the train, where he is unexpectedly confronted by a KGB agent with a gun. He commands Klaus to come with him, but Klaus refuses -- says he needs to use the john. And he won't do it with the other guy watching him, either. The KGB man is a bit nonplussed by this reaction and isn't sure what to do. Just then, the train pulls to a stop in Dijon, throwing him off balance for a moment, and Klaus takes advantage of this to throw a punch which knocks the man out into the corridor, and to pull his own gun. "Try a better place if you want to catch me, pervert," says Klaus.
The KGB agent makes a dash for escape, and Klaus' pursuit of him is hampered by various screaming and panicking passengers. Hearing the commotion, Mischa realizes that Comrade Gorkii has failed to capture Iron Klaus. Mischa doesn't want to involve innocent passengers on the TEE, because it would make a bad impression on the West right before the Moscow Olympics. [These would be the 1980 Olympics, whose official mascot was a toy bear cub named Mischa.]
Klaus is unable to catch Gorkii before the train starts up again, and a search by his men finds none of the Soviet agents on board. As the train moves out of the Dijon station, Klaus and Mr. A spot a group standing on the station platform and watching. Klaus immediately recognizes Mischa, who waves politely as the train moves past him.
Mischa tells his men that they must strike at Iron Klaus before he has a chance to retaliate, and orders them to "find a way that will never miss him!"
Dorian sympathizes with Klaus for having to deal with both him and the KGB. "You're beginning to look like a Jesus Christ to me, though a rather sadistic one," he says, leading Klaus to respond, "If I'm Christ, you're Judas." Any theological discussion is cut short by the lights on the train suddenly dimming, then going off completely. In the darkness, Klaus bellows, "Lord Gloria! You fucking did it!!!" The lights come back on to reveal Dorian running through the train, tucking a paper into his shirt, with Klaus some distance behind in full pursuit. Before Klaus can catch up with him, Dorian reaches the door of the carriage, opens it, and jumps off the train, pausing only to call, "Good luck!" back at Klaus.
Klaus is about to jump off the train himself, but is held back by his men who point out that they're about to enter a tunnel. Dorian has successfully snatched the blueprint and escaped. Klaus orders the alphabets to get the train stopped, telling the crew that someone fell off. Meanwhile, James comes dashing in, having just heard what has happened. Klaus collars and threatens him, but James swears he doesn't know what the Earl is up to. Just then, Mr. Z arrives with a note addressed to Klaus, which Z found in a pocket of his trousers. ("I told you to be careful with your trousers!" snaps Klaus.)
In the note, Dorian says that he's "borrowing" the blueprint and that he will be back by the time the train reaches Lausanne. Also, that he's leaving James on board as a hostage. It concludes, "P.S. Do trust me..." One of Klaus' men reports that the rest of Dorian's team is also still on the train, and Klaus decides that Dorian probably meant what he said in the note. The train crew arrive, asking about the person who supposedly fell off the train, but Klaus denies any knowledge of such an incident and leaves them wondering what's going on.
Klaus says that with twenty of Dorian's subordinates, plus James, still on the train, and 100 million marks hanging in the balance as well, he's bound to come back. And if he doesn't, Klaus will hand the whole gang over to the ICPO with a ribbon around them. James protests at this "authoritarian oppression of well-meaning civilians," but Klaus reminds him that he's a thief, and asks whether he has any sense of guilt. "Oh, that...," replies James. "I feel it only when I use money." Klaus has had more than enough of James and orders Mr. B to shoo him out of the carriage, which he does. "If I were the Earl, I would never come back even if I died!" thinks Klaus. He orders his men to watch the Eroica gang very closely, and keep an eye on the other passengers as well, in case the KGB tries to sneak back on board. Staring morosely out the window, he reflects on Dorian's "Do trust me."
Somewhere over Switzerland, Dorian is in a helicopter with Bonham and Jones. They are heading for a spot where the train slows down because of curves in the route. Jones spots a minibus which is stopped on the road near the train tracks. It's a strange place for it to be just sitting there, and Dorian is suspicious; he tells Bonham to fly closer to they can get a look at it. It turns out to be full of thirteen hard-faced, expressionless, identical men -- and Mischa the Cub. The men are all armed with rifles.
The train approaches, slowing down for the curves. Klaus paces up and down, looking out the windows and checking his watch: twenty minutes until they arrive in Lausanne. Outside, Mischa's snipers catch sight of Klaus through the windows of the train, and take aim. Just as Mischa is ordering them to fire, however, they are stymied by the helicopter swooping down in front of them and blocking their field of view. The train passes by and the helicopter takes off again, leaving the KGB men behind. Looking out the window, Klaus sees the helicopter and suddenly realizes who must be in it.
Mischa vows to continue his mission to eliminate Iron Klaus. One of his snipers managed to photograph the helicopter, and they set out to identify the men in it who had so unexpectedly interfered.
The helicopter lowers over the train, keeping pace with it, and drops down a long ladder. Dorian climbs down this, thinking to himself that jumping onto a moving train is trickier than jumping off. He manages to reach a carriage door and starts to open it, when he is suddenly seized and yanked inside.
"'Lo, Major. Thanks for greeting me," says Dorian. Klaus grabs him by the jacket and shakes him, sputtering an incoherent stream of epithets. Finally, he starts to berate Dorian for leaving the train. "I kept my word," Dorian reminds him, and Klaus bellows, "Who the heck can believe your frigging words?!"
"Didn't you wait for me because you trusted me, Major...?" asks Dorian, and Klaus stops ranting and stares at him. Realizing that he can't in truth deny this, Klaus says, "Shit!" and shoves Dorian away. He looks back to see that Dorian has a very pleased look on his face, and demands to know what he's so happy about. "If I told you why, you'd get mad again," says Dorian. He returns the blueprint to Klaus, saying that he's made one copy of it, so his men can study the plans and prepare things. Klaus orders him back to his seat, intending to put a guard over him.
Before he heads back to his seat, Dorian tells Klaus that he was being targeted by snipers on the bus. Klaus, realizing that Dorian's helicopter maneuver had saved his life, is a bit taken aback. "Let's take good care of ourselves until we get to Rome," says Dorian, and goes back to his compartment. Klaus assigns several of the alphabets to guard him, telling them to be careful of their trousers. They all sit around playing cards (with an official NATO card deck) in the crowded compartment, the game being enlivened, if you can call it that, by sniping between Agent G and Mr. James. Klaus has, however, kept Mr. Z in his own compartment to preserve him from evil influences.
Mischa receives messages from Red Fox and Polar Bear, informing him that the man on the helicopter has been identified as the art thief Eroica, who helped Iron Klaus arrest Comrade Maija Bulgakow. [See Love in Greece -- apparently Dorian and Klaus did resolve the mix-up at the end and Maija wound up in custody.] Mischa is also told that he need not worry any longer about creating a bad impression before the Moscow Olympics. He replies that he will "extinguish both the mortal foe Iron Klaus and Eroica." [Three days before the end of 1979, Soviet troops marched into neighboring Afghanistan. The western world was outraged, and several countries partially or fully withdrew from the Olympics in protest. Evidently, in the story, this has just happened or is just about to.]
The train arrives in Milan at night, and is scheduled to reach Rome sometime before dawn. James asks whether shopping on the train is covered by NATO's money, as their fares were, and Dorian tells him, "Just put the Major's signature on the invoice." Delighted, James sets off on a shopping spree. Agent G objects, but Dorian tells him there was a scarf by Lanvin in the shop that G would look wonderful in, and he dashes off as well. Dorian is left with Mr. A and another agent, who seem very tense. He tells them to go have a cup of tea or something, and they agree and leave the compartment, nervously holding their overcoats in front of their trousers. Only Mr. B is left with Dorian, and B is sound asleep.
Just before the train leaves Milan, it is boarded by a young man and a priest. The priest enters Dorian's compartment and asks if he can sit there, as the train is very crowded. Dorian agrees, and the two begin chatting about the art in the Sistine Chapel. After a few minutes, Dorian excuses himself and leaves. He heads for Klaus' compartment, where Klaus -- busy checking out a rifle he's brought along, "just in case" -- greets him ungraciously. Dorian reports that the priest had misidentified the paintings in the Sistine Chapel, referring to the Genesis as a wall painting when it's actually on the ceiling. "A priest familiar with the Vatican would never confuse them," he points out.
Realizing that the priest may be a KGB agent, Klaus immediately heads back to Dorian's compartment. It is empty except for the still-snoring Mr. B, and Klaus and Dorian both mobilize their men to search the train. During the search, Klaus encounters the young man who boarded the train in Milan, and who now seems rather distressed. He tells Klaus that he passed a priest while going to the luggage car to check on his dog, Spot. The priest dropped his Bible and the young man saw that it was hollowed out and had a gun inside. Klaus immediately heads for the luggage car, followed by the young man, who expresses worry about his dog. On the way Klaus literally tramples over James, who is unfortunate enough to be in the way, and James runs off to complain to Dorian.
Klaus reaches the luggage car and cautiously enters it, telling the young man to stay outside. As he stands in the doorway, though, a gun is pressed to the back of his head and he is told to raise his hands. It's the young man, who turns out to be one of Mischa's agents. Mischa himself -- back in a suit, having removed his priest disguise -- greets them inside the luggage car. "So you're Spot," says Klaus. The two exchange a few remarks, and Mischa demands to know what Klaus' mission is in Rome. Naturally, Klaus refuses to tell him. Mischa hits him, hard, across the face, and tells him a German can never overcome the Soviets: "Did you forget the battles of Stalingrad and Minsk during World War II?" Klaus says he can't remember things that happened before he was born, and Mischa replies, "Experience the fact that Germany was defeated by the Soviets with your own head," pointing a gun at him.
"How would the situation change if England joins the war at this point?" says a new voice, and Mischa and the young man whirl around to find themselves confronted by Dorian, armed with Klaus' rifle. Klaus instantly attacks Mischa, while the young man runs away, pursued by Dorian. The engineers, in the control cabin, are startled when the young man suddenly bursts in on them.
The alphabets (and a wailing James) arrive at the luggage car, where Klaus has subdued Mischa and is holding a gun on him. Mischa doesn't seem at all concerned. He tells Klaus, quite cheerfully, that in nine minutes the train will be blown up by a bomb.
Leaving some of the alphabets to look after Mischa, Klaus joins Dorian outside the control room where he's got the other KGB agent penned up, the latter occasionally firing a shot or two. Getting fed up with this, Dorian raises the rifle. James and Klaus, in perfect agreement for perhaps the only time in the entire series, both yell for him to stop, but it's too late. Dorian opens fire, spraying the control room with bullets -- the rifle is an automatic. The KGB agent dives for cover; the engineers are already huddled on the floor in terror. Klaus yells for Dorian not to touch the levers on the gun, and when Dorian cheerfully turns around to ask about its operation, screams "Don't point it at us! Idiot!" as the alphabets cower behind him. Dorian threatens the KGB agent again, but the fellow has had enough of this lunatic and promptly surrenders.
Klaus tells the engineers to stop the train, because there's a bomb on board and they don't have time for a search -- they have to evacuate the passengers immediately. However, the controls have been damaged by Dorian's shooting, and the brakes don't work; neither do the controls to lower the pantographs (which would deprive the train of power so it could coast to a stop.)
Mischa has been brought to the scene, and Dorian demands to know where the bomb is, pointing out that Mischa will be blown up along with everyone else. "An agent fulfills his mission even at the cost of his own life," replies Mischa calmly. He is also unconcerned when reminded that there are a thousand civilian passengers on the train: "It's too bad for them."
The engineers have contacted Bologna station and asked that the power be cut off, but they realize that the train is going too fast to stop in time anyway. Mischa points to a bridge ahead, and says it will be their gravesite; the bomb is set at the center of the bridge. They have three more minutes. Klaus starts to leave, but Mischa has one more thing to say: "I will say a final word of good-bye just for you. It is the only German I remember: Heil Hitler!"
Before Klaus can react to this, Dorian steps in and violently backhands Mischa, to Klaus' stunned amazement. "He deserves it. He's not even worth raising your hand to," says Dorian. He hands the rifle to Klaus and the two of them open the engine's door and climb, precariously, to the top of the car, with James wailing out the door behind them. Klaus is annoyed, but Dorian says not to be too mean to him: it's only because of James coming to complain about Klaus knocking him down that Dorian knew there would be trouble at the luggage car.
There is an infrared scope on the rifle, and Klaus kneels on the roof of the train car to sight on the bomb. He tells Dorian to hold his waist to steady him: "'S an emergency. You can. But never touch me anywhere below the belt."
The train approaches the bridge, with Klaus and Dorian at the ready on top of the engine and everyone else pressed against the windows inside: Mischa with smiling confidence (though the younger agent looks pretty nervous), the alphabets and Dorian's men tense and anxious. The seconds count down. At the last moment, Klaus fires and destroys the timer on the bomb; the train roars over the bridge, unharmed. We see the crowd at the windows again, Mischa now looking disgusted, the rest ecstatic.
Klaus, warning Dorian again not to touch him below the belt, says he doesn't know whether the bomb will still go off with the timer destroyed. A few seconds later, it answers that question by exploding, destroying the bridge and the power transmission lines. The train is shaken by the explosion, and Klaus and Dorian are thrown flat on the roof of the engine, Dorian sprawled on top of Klaus, who immediately snaps at him again about no touching below the belt. [The man is a bit paranoid; there's no getting round it.]
With the power lines broken, the train eventually coasts to a stop. Dorian steps outside to walk around a bit. Klaus follows and asks whether he's escaping again, but Dorian says he'd just got a bit tired of waiting on the train, and suggests that he and Klaus walk along the tracks to Bologna. Klaus says that sounds healthier than being irritated on the train, and adds, "Wanna come to a church with me in Rome?" Dorian is shocked, but Klaus adds, "Churches are nice. Makes you feel serene much better than anywhere else." He strolls off, leaving Dorian comparing him to a Christ figure once again: "...saving the lives of so many...and so hopelessly clean and abstinent... Hallelujah!"